Nine Lives, Ranked: The Greatest Feline Sidekicks to Ever Nap on a Health Bar
Welcome to Nyarth, where we take our cat content as seriously as our cat namesake takes naps: extremely, and with occasional bursts of chaos. Today we're settling a debate older than a console war: which video game cat deserves the top spot on the scratching post of history?
We ranked them on three rigorous, scientifically unimpeachable criteria: usefulness, personality, and how badly we'd want to scratch behind their ears. Let's get into it.
The Rankings
1. Cat Mario (Super Mario Bros.) — The Power-Up That Broke the Internet
Is a power-up a companion? Doesn't matter. The Super Bell turned Mario into a wall-climbing, pouncing, feline nightmare, and the internet was never the same. Cute, chaotic, and somehow terrifying — the cat trifecta.
2. Red XIII (Final Fantasy VII) — Dignity in Fur Form
Technically a lab specimen, spiritually a very good boy. Red XIII rides into battle like a flame-tailed lion and talks like a philosophy professor. He's the cat for people who insist their cat "understands them."
3. The Cat (Minecraft) — Your Silent Roommate
You tame them with fish, they sleep on your bed, and they hiss at creepers — the only pest control that actually works. Peak cozy energy, which is why this one hits closest to home for us here in the Cozy Games corner.
4. Meowth (Pokémon) — The Workhorse
The only Pokémon that can literally talk, and he uses that gift to commit crimes for a boss who never pays him. A cautionary tale about workplace boundaries, wrapped in a coin-topped cutie.
5. Big the Cat (Sonic) — Bless His Heart
He's just here to fish. Let him fish.
6. Cat (Stardew Valley) — The Adoption Arc We All Need
A stray shows up, you feed it, it stays forever. That's not a game mechanic; that's just Tuesday at any American household with a garage full of cat furniture.
Honorable Mentions
Cutest: The kittens of Neko Atsume, who ask for nothing and give everything.
Most Useless in Battle: The cat from Persona 5 — sorry, Morgana fans, but "you must sleep now" is not a support skill.
Lifetime Achievement Award: Every cat in every hidden-object game who was technically findable but nobody wanted to leave.
Vote in the Poll!
Head to the Nyarth forums and cast your ballot for the ultimate gaming cat. Did we snub your favorite? Drop a comment — but be warned, our editor is a cat person and takes this personally.
Until next time: keep your saves warm and your cats warmer. Nyarth out.
